Sunday, September 15, 2013

Malfunkshun: The Andrew Wood Story... And Why The Real Story Needs To Be Told

As most people who go on Xanaland know, Andrew Wood, who passed away in 1990 of a heroin overdose, was my fiance'. Some years ago, Scott Barbour released this documentary about Andrew and attempted to get the truth from his loved ones. This is the real story. Yes, that is how the movie will open when it is made someday....

 I had a dream last night that Andy and I were on a ferry to Bainbridge island, and I kept telling him, "Why do we keep having to go back here? Your dad is gone," and he wouldn't believe me. Then I woke up. As I looked outside this morning and saw the fog, I thought,  "What shall I write about for Soundtrack Sunday?" As much as I love great movies, this is one of my most neglected blogs, and I hope some film enthusiast will someday take it over! There has been so much great music to cover lately in Seattle, there hasn't been much time for movies in general, and really this blog is more to archive all our favorite movie moments we all share on social media and give them a permanent home.

Anyhow, the more I thought about it, I realized, why not...? What am I waiting for? A check from Sony? It's not like the rest of the band is going to ever acknowledge their part in Andy's death or own up to promises they made to me, so what difference does it make? Why not write about it?  It's been over 20 years and I have never received a dime from the band. Let me start with that. Mind you in reading this, I love Stoney and Jeff, but it doesn't mean I have to love the way they have treated me, or continue to keep it all to myself in some hope they'll "come around" and make good on their promise.

Andy on our bed I found him dead on. 

When Andy wouldn't stop using, our fights about it got worse and worse. I never used with him, nor would I even drink with him, at all. Since Mother Love Bone was about to get signed, the band and management finally started getting concerned and nervous. Like his family, they didn't care that our fights were getting more and more frequent and violent, or how it affected me... they did care that they may lose their chance at a record deal, though. 

The hat I gave, not sold, to The EMP

So off to rehab he went. Things were good for a few months, even though the stress of trying to stay clean was clearly wearing him down. At rehab, the counselor -- the same one who's in the documentary -- told us at a group meeting I was allowed to attend since it was Thanksgiving, that she had been over at her family's that day and had to leave when she noticed someone drinking wine. She had eight years sober. I had little hope for Andy on the road with a rock band. 

Andy in Santa Fe, New of the few times he 
was clean and sober for a few months 

After Andrew died, I stayed with the band's manager and his wife and baby. Jerry from Alice in Chains also lived with them, who Kelly Curtis also managed. At the time, I did what they suggested and quit my job and moved out of the apartment we had lived in and spent the spring and summer with them... something I sometimes regret. Not to say that they treated me badly; they treated me like family, but I think it gave me false hope for how they would treat me in the future. I think it made me let my guard down, and not ever think about obtaining an attorney. I truly thought that they would always be my friends and protect me. 

Baby Jessica -- her and her mom, Peggy, were the only ones 
that gave me unconditional love, and didn't end up f*cking me. 

One day, Kelly handed me a letter. It was my copy, but not written to me. It was to Andy's family. It said that the band, management, attorneys, and record label had a meeting and agreed that I should get 70% of any royalties that were ever made. I don't really remember my reaction. Money wasn't a real concern to me, because I was young and had always worked. When I ran into Jeff Ament in the Pike Place Market, we stood by The Creamery and talked for a minute. I thanked him for the gesture they had made in the letter, again not taking it too seriously since they technically owed Polygram/Sony a lot of money and there was no Pearl Jam yet. His exact words to me were "Yeah, it was my idea and once we all talked, we agreed it was the right thing to do." 

Pearl Jam's Jeff Ament.
Will he ever tell the truth or will he keep the lies safe 
to protect his grunge empire?

Years passed, I left Seattle and was living in L.A. and taking frequent trips to New Mexico. Once, when I was in Seattle after the movie Singles was made and the soundtrack had gone platinum, I went by Kelly Curtis's office to say hi. He had a platinum album in glass with my name on it -- a gift for me, sitting in his office. I said "Cool, I can't carry it now, but please save it for me." He also said "You need to come in and sign papers soon, because we're starting to make money off the merchandise." I again said, cool, no problem.

Stoney wearing Andy's Cowboys hat I gave him.
And where does Vedder stand in all this? When people were yelling "Andy!"
and booing him off the stage, I was holding baby Jessica in my arms
and telling people to shut the hell up. When I met him I told him, "You're going
to be just fine." I wonder if he realizes when he sings Crown of Thorns,
that the girl he's singing about isn't dead, just broke and homeless
and in need of help. 

I want to acknowledge that for the next ten or so years, my life was in shambles and shackles. I was strung out and went to jail, a lot. And some of my crimes sound awful on paper. I never reached out to them for help or money in the beginning, only through my family when it looked like I may need a better lawyer, but it got settled without their help. I never had asked before then and never did again until I was getting divorced and living back in Seattle and it was at the urging of a supposed friend who is close with the management. She went on and on about how Chris Cornell asks about me all the time, and how they are all just waiting for me to reach out. Stoney did eventually help me with rehab costs, after he was pretty much put in a position where he could not say no. The lack of continuing support left me in another vulnerable position though. Let's just say a little more help later would have gone a long way, and just having the support from THEM would have meant the world to me and maybe made me want to try a little harder. But I was alone and found no one who was interested in helping me without wanting something from me. I needed friends, not sexual predators who were all I found in the programs I had to live in. So soon I was homeless again.

At Andy's dads house on Kitsap Lake. We often went there on weekends.
When things were bad, like around the time this was taken,
I would try to get them to talk to him about his using and get us some help.

 At the time I originally asked for help, I had five years clean... so this would have been the time to help me, not once I had a nervous breakdown. She pretty much coached me on what to say and took me to Kelly's office. By this time, I had a back injury that prevented me from working and I was penniless. Still, I was clean and even willing to work for them if the opportunity was there. I was open to anything, including drug testing, and as far as money I asked for even a loan until I got a social security settlement. Kelly listened to me, almost started crying, said he would talk to Stoney, but claimed he had no idea what letter I was talking about. I left feeling like an idiot. I never heard form them again. 

In the movie, his mom went on and on about our fights as if I was picking on Andy for nothing and beating on him. All lies. And for someone who sat there talking to "get the truth out," she has lied to me for years about the money, claiming they never got a penny. That is until one day I confronted her at Kevin Wood's house when I went to see him and his son Jasper for his birthday. She couldn't lie as easily to my face. She said "Yeah Dave got X amount of money (a lot) and he bought a yacht, and he was drinking and had a heart attack and died on it." I knew Dave was gone -- I had heard from a friend -- but still, it was depressing when I found all this out because he was like a dad to me. Not to mention, Jasper turned out to be a snotty little brat and did not even thank me for the gift, and Kevin's wife was a complete witch who thought I was trying to seduce her husband. They are all nuts, and I realized more than ever then why Dave chose to take off on a boat and drink himself to death. He was the one person I knew would have helped me, even if he had not received royalties. At least he wouldn't have lied to me and basically treated me like I was nothing and no one.  At that time, I was clean, staying with friends, and again... penniless. 

Nice going, Mustache, on giving away all my memorabilia.... chode.

Let's talk some more about the Woods' recent behavior. No need to talk about Brian, an admitted meth addict, but amusingly probably the most honest and sensitive one in the family. It's Toni Wood who I expect to have more self respect and dignity. The last time I saw her was last year when I was dragged to a 'Malfunkshun' show. Yes, believe it or not, Kevin is still riding the coattails of his dead brother and "reformed" Malfunkshun. They don't even write their own songs, at least not any decent ones, and have asked other musicians to contribute work and then never gave them credit. Live, it's all about Kevin and his insane solos that drive crowds out the door. The moron who sings for them came up to me right in front of other people, and said after never meeting me, "I have all Andy's lyric books and his journals which talk about him masturbating."  Yeah, I know... what a pig. Kevin apparently gave him all Andy's lyric books. Later that night, I saw a drunk girl throwing up and lying in the street. Suddenly, Toni Wood came and helped her up. As it turns out it was Kevin Wood's daughter. Toni seemed amused (I actually have the entire incident on video, believe it or not). Needless to say, I was shocked and appalled. 

I wonder what Andy would think about his mom showing
up to a recent show drunk and on the arm of the creep selling his stuff.
The new "Malfunkshun singer"... a chode of the worst kind. 

Kevin has been slowly selling off all of Andy's stuff. He sold his Lakers jersey to the Hard Rock Cafe in Seattle, for what they told me was a lot of money. And he is currently still trying to sell his bass. I started a donation page here on the site to try to get it back and returned to the EMP, where I donated one of the hats I made him. I have never sold a single thing belonging to Andy. So far, we have only raised $500, mainly because people can't believe he's asking $25,000 for it. One friend offered him $15,000 and said Kevin practically laughed at him. I was hoping by now the word would get to Jeff or Stone and they would buy it back, but nope. 

The two biggest chodes in music business. They can't even write a new decent
song, but treat other bands like shit when they play, borrowing equipment at a moment's
notice, not paying them, and worst of all -- letting their kids get drunk at their shows. 
I am truly saddened that Andy's family has sunk so low.
Not to mention, those plastic fake snake pants are fricken hideous.

Enter Scott Barbour. Scott is a social media friend, but I really can't say he's a good friend or even a good person. And don't worry, he knows I'm way pissed at him for this. I tell him all the time, "I love you but I'm still mad at you." When Scott found me in Hollywood, I was living in a mansion, but really strung out. He came to see me to talk about the movie. At the time he was still writing it. In a nutshell, he did heroin with me and got me to tell him where all my belongings were being stored, in Chris Cornell's house, and instead of getting me help and letting the band know I needed help, etc., he got ahold of the management and proceeded to obtain all my belongings and then gave what he didn't or couldn't keep to the Woods, who, as I've said, are now selling it. There are parts of the movie I love, but the taking of my belongings was a slap in the face. They let Andy drink when they knew he was not supposed to and promised to always be there for me, and instead took all I had left of him. And then sold it.

Now where did these come from? More lyrics and/or notes of Andy's to be sold on EBay?
He was maybe not given the original lyric books but in talks with this 'singer,'
he asked again and again what I had left of Andy's. They must be running out
of stuff to sell. He also claims to have spent time with me when he was last here,
lying to a friend's kid that he was with me when he was actually holed
up in someone's basement. Bizarre to say the least. 

It makes me sick when I see that Lakers jersey on the wall at the Hard Rock. And even sicker to get messages from people saying the lyric books are now for sale on EBay. After I saw the movie and had to look at photos of me and Andy in the bathtub that he had no right to use or take, I told him "I understand why you did what you did, but I want my stuff back."  Instead of sending it to me, he sent it to the Woods, who kept it all. There were things of mine that maybe looked like something Andy would have worn like MY blue Doc Martins that they kept, and all of the clothes were mine -- he owned nothing. I paid for it all and/or made it. I received a small box in the mail with nothing but stuff I had before I was with Andy, like high school photos. This was clearly purposeful. Yet this jersey was so wrinkled when they put it in the case. It looked like it had been in a box for years. they were probably too cheap to have it dry cleaned.

Here are the lyrics that were for sale on EBay for $2,500!

The Lakers jersey I bought, left with Chris for safekeeping,
and now have to see on the wall of The Hard Rock Cafe

THIS is why a real movie needs to be made. A love story. Not another documentary with interviews full of lies from people with hidden agendas, half-assed counselors, and weeping crazy women. The management will never acknowledge any of this. Nor will they give me access to the one other person who CAN'T lie to my face, Jeff Ament. They go through great lengths to avoid me and practically have pulled James Bond tactics to make sure they are in no position to talk to me in person. Like I said, I have love for him and Stoney, who I recently saw at a gallery opening, but I am not continuing to pretend none of this happened. I get hundreds of messages, and I'm just tired of people thinking I'm poor and have nothing because I blazed through the money I was given. I have pretty much never had money since Andy died. I have nothing of any real value. 

Shame on you all, he will say....

If Andy had anything to say about this, it would be "Shame on them," shame on them all. One day I will write a book, if Scott doesn't beat me to it. People can write and write all they want. Until the band does right by me, any project that has anything to do with Andy that does not have my blessing is just another fan book full of lies. And doing right by me does not mean giving me money. I never wanted them to support me for the rest of my life. I only asked for help when I really needed it, and since they have more money than God, and give money away to charities all the time, a huge cover up would seem to be the only reason they would say no. All I want from them now is the same thing I've been waiting for for 23 years, that not a single one of them has ever given me... an apology. 

Lesson in life: money changes people, almost never for the better. Live your life with integrity; do the right thing even if it means stepping on the toes of famous people, and love yourself enough to leave someone if their drug or alcohol use is ruining your life.... Because just like The Bee Charmer says, just when things can't get no worse, that's when it does, baby....

Reading Music....
Brought to you by amazing musicians who
are also good people who Andy would be
extremely proud of today.

Jeff Angell knows all about hard times and addiction.
Let's pray the industry treats him better than they treated Andy.

 So why talk about this now? Well, because I can -- it's my website, for one, and I am also sick of seeing special friends out at shows who get nervous around me (you know who you are, my love)... people who are still close with the band who have pretty much been forbidden from being around me, not for the reasons they claim, but because they don't want their own dirty little secrets coming out. I also have to say something, because my stomach issues are Crohn's disease/stress-related, and so if I drop dead soon, I want my children, family and friends to know the truth.

  If you'd like to own this movie, you can buy it from me on the grunge storyteller blog... but here it is if you have not seen it, you may want to get your Kleenex out.... Again, you can decide who is and isn't telling the truth, but I think we all know in our hearts that it's easier to lie and omit information than it is to be honest and admit you were wrong or made a mistake.

The Link for this movie no longer exists on youtube, but you can  buy it here from me on Xanaland -- see our mission statement to see why you should buy it here! 

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, get help.... It's out there. Reach out to them with no judgement, and for Christ's sake, if you know someone is in a band and not supposed to be using or drinking, don't be that screwed up fan that wants to party with the band and give them drugs or buy them drinks. They need strong people in their lives and we need them alive! 

Luxury is the wolf at the door
and its fangs are the vanities and conceits
germinated by success
when an artist learns this
he knows where the danger is

Tennessee Williams 


  1. I loved every word you wrote...bastards. I saw Toni once claiming she was so broke, PJ had to bail her out. Don't know the woman, but, she justifies your story. Sorry you had to not only endure hell through the death of Andy, and addition, but also have salt thrown in your wounds. There will be karma, maybe not in the last 23 years, but it's coming.A woman in passion rides a wild horse..may you be that girl. Xo

  2. I loved every word you wrote...bastards. I saw Toni once claiming she was so broke, PJ had to bail her out. Don't know the woman, but, she justifies your story. Sorry you had to not only endure hell through the death of Andy, and addition, but also have salt thrown in your wounds. There will be karma, maybe not in the last 23 years, but it's coming.A woman in passion rides a wild horse..may you be that girl. Xo

  3. You're a trooper.. the shit you endured my God..thank you 4 sharing your story xana..the truth๐Ÿ”‡๐Ÿ˜š

  4. You're a trooper.. the shit you endured my God..thank you 4 sharing your story xana..the truth๐Ÿ”‡๐Ÿ˜š

  5. Thank Xana, best wishes from New Mexico, (Las Vegas)

  6. I know their behavior seems all very strange to you but I am familiar with people like this like I told you before me and Andy knew each other from La I love to know that was in the la music scene at the same time Kelly Curtis is a little piece of s*** I met them backstage at the sound garden show so I'm not surprised by what you said about them I don't know why Andrew's mom would be so less caring when's last time I talked to on the phone she was so concerned about the star falling in love with Chris Cornell who could care less if she existed and was still a heroin addict that time this was seven years ago but yes letting children drink at your shows is pitiful and I'm sure Andrew would tell them shame on you what you don't realize is the dark devil control behind the people in the industry like Scott Barber and Jeff and Stony them face everyday and play like it doesn't exist I was part of that system it's real you need to not play the record industry is kind of them you need to pray that God will open your eyes and their eyes and you can move on with your lives because this world will be changing and A NEW ,will be coming THE WAY.... bigger than Mount Olympus but. I think that Andrew knew from a child the faith he had in the new world to come the Christ that will eventually save the Believers do you shootall the memories you had no but you have to realize a lot of the characters involved or nothing but actors carrying out their masters will which is what the word actor means one who carries out his master's will we will smile on your face and steal everything you have we've all been through it be safe and I hope you feel better I'm glad your little dog is healthy and animal friendz r da BEST....:)) BOLAN FORREST UR FACE BOOK PAL:)) BE SAFE XANA

  7. Didn't Chris write the songs from the temple album for you??? To help YOU heal to help with your pain stone and Jeff knew they were yours...I lost all respect for them ...especially Chris can't believe he didn't do the right thing....chode!!!!

  8. MLB was nothing without Andy. As being his finance you deserved all the royalties, not his family. His family is why he was an addict. His mom is a nutcase and his brothers are junkies as well. If it helps at all just know that you inspired some of Andys best lyrics. There will never be another talent like AW.

  9. You are beautiful. Thank you for sharing with all of us. I have always picked up on your sincerity and I always knew you were the only one who REALLY loved Andy while he was ALIVE. The rest just care about cashing in. My heart breaks for you when I think of his shit being stolen from you and sold to fans. When someone you loved more than life itself dies you'd expect compassion from the people around you. They should have understood the lines they crossed and let you hold on to the pieces you had left. I'm amazed at your strength, that you were able to keep pushing forward even after such a loss and continued betrayal and addiction struggles. You're a fucking trooper and I sincerely hope you have some real joy and peace in your life today. You certainly deserve it. Keep writing, we all love it.

  10. Oh Xana come back again! You were always in his heart, mind and conscious writing of lyrics and recordings. Thanks for sharing. I hope some day you see your zen and peace about these conflicts that Andy wouldn't want you tormented with.


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